Ah, that word. The word that creates anxiety, excitement, apprehension, optimism just by its mere existence.
This week I found myself preparing for “the word.” I did what every girl is suppose to do. I asked what I should wear, how I should fix my hair, clarified I was meeting at a neutral location, and reinforced that I would call with information.
I should have rushed home. I knew this in my mind but found myself instead “mosying” home. After reading too long, I realized I may not have left as much time to get ready as I hoped. I should have got anxious, but instead caught myself shrugging my shoulders and just getting to work. The result, great hair that I will never accomplish again, no matter how much I practice or try.
I started up the stairs, only to drop my phone. Since this isn’t the first time, I no longer have a back so the battery flew out. As I reach down to save it, my purse somehow falls off of my shoulder and flies back down the stairs. Oh wait…it gets better. It wasn’t zipped! So, all of my belongings are now upended and spread out all the way down the stairs.
I sigh and start putting myself back together again. This should clearly create anxiety, right? But I’m still not.
I finally make it to my car and head down the street. But wait, what is that I see; flashing red lights behind me. They must surely be receiving a call, since I’m going all of 30 miles an hour. I pull slowly over thinking he will go around me. No such luck! Apparently, you can be pulled over for the light on your license plate going out!
Here’s the best part. Remember how my purse blew up, well now I’m pulled over and my license and insurance card is nowhere to be found! I think, with all of the chaos, the police officer was sorry he pulled me over. He fixed me up and then let me go on my way.
Still no anxiety. A slight head nod, but no anxiety.
That was when it dawned on me. The phrase “it’s not you, it’s me,” was me. It wasn’t an excuse, or said to soften a blow. It really was me. The date and The Date was fine. That wasn’t the problem.
The problem is that I have somehow created a expectation, a dynamic, that may be unfair and unrealistic. You then have to choose between being disappointed or being the disappointment. We over analyze and put up unintentional stumbling blocks: Do I have enough time? Can I be enough? Will he be understanding and thoughtful? Stumbling block after internal stumbling block!
The best defense, indifference.
I shared this story and profound insight with my sister and her response was, “I hate dating’s guts!”
I guess that sums it up.