“The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence; it is to act with yesterday’s logic.” -Peter Drucker
Surrounded by People and Esquire magazines, slouching teenagers, and businessmen who look busy but are secretly playing video games on their iphones and ipads, I indifferently walked down the aisle of the plane with starbucks in one hand and a David Baldacci novel in the other, looking for which two people I was going to intrude on because they insist on setting by the window and the aisle (thank you Southwest for not assigning seats). A woman generously offered to move over so I could set on the aisle, since the man by the window was her hubby. I smiled and nodded and positioned myself leisurely in my seat. The cabin smelled of Chili’s seasoning due to it being strategically placed next to our gate for impulsive buyers. There was a tad bit of apprehension, as everyone glanced out the windows at the dark sky and the storm looming in the distance. That apprehension only grew when the captain announced overhead that everyone needed to find a seat quickly or he couldn’t guarantee a take off.
But my apprehension wasn’t coming from the flight or the possibility of storms, at least not the literal storms. The apprehension was coming from realizing indifference was settling in my attitude.
Indifference! It’s my weakness, my coping skill, my defense. It’s easy to go to it when I’m too stressed. It’s easy to go to when my mind and my heart can’t seem to match up. It’s easy to go to when I can’t find the balance.
Unfortunately, once I let it into my life in one area, it’s easy to let it seep into other areas. I found myself battling when is the right time to speak up and when is the right time to be still. And, with the chaos of the thoughts it was just easier to let it move into an “I can’t care” mode.
I can’t care then started becoming the norm the past few weeks. Slower to hang out with people. Slower to be motivated. Slower to let myself be excited. I sat in my seat realizing that I should be more excited about the fact that I’m going to a new place. I should be honored to be speaking at a conference on behalf of TCH. I should be curious about the other professionals I will be meeting. I definitely should not be setting completely indifferent.
And almost as quickly as it set in, a switch went off. The plane ride was turbulent and unpredictable and I cared. I sat with what I’m assuming to other people was an awkward smile on my face, because I realized I’d rather experience the turbulence than set safely in the indifference.
**I reserve the right to edit this tomorrow, when I’m not distracted by the view of my hotel room and the enjoyment of my mini vacation